First Impressions of USGA at BYU

I had been stalking the BYU USGA - Understanding Same-Gender Attraction facebook group for a few months when I decided to attend one of its meetings. For months before starting my coming-out journey, I had secretly longed to attend, just to see what other gay mormons were like. Unfortunately, nobody actively posts to that group, so I got the impression that it was secretive and exclusive for those who are already out. 

After coming out and being comfortable with my friends knowing, I concluded that I was now eligible to attend a USGA meeting without fear. 

By this time I had made lots of good friends—gay and straight allies—that mostly went to BYU and UVU. None of them were active USGA attenders, and I had been told that USGA was too liberal and bitter toward the church. Depending on who you talk to, every gay support group is too something—liberal, conservative, bitter, depressed, apostate, sketchy, dramatic. I decided to check out a lot of these groups for myself to get a clearer vision. A good friend told me that if you think a group is too something, you should go be the change to bring it back into balance. I thought I should give USGA a chance.

The night I attended, the meeting was held just a few blocks from my apartment—actually it was close to some of my gay friends' apartments. I wondered if my friends even knew about it. I walked those few blocks and across the parking lot. Just as I rounded a corner, I ran into two of my friends walking away from where the meeting was to be held. I blurted out "Change of location?" They gave me a puzzled look. Quickly changing the topic, I asked what they were up to. They invited me to go running with them. I'm not a runner so we parted ways. Luckily they didn't know about the meeting being held just a few doors away—I wanted to attend alone this time, just for an unbiased experience. 

I found the place and made my way to a seat along the wall—I didn't want to be in the way. 

Tonight's meeting was to be a panel of straight allies sharing their experiences. As I watched the interactions among the people there, I typed out some notes on my phone:

• USGA looks like a tight group of friends
• The sensitivity to privacy concerns is impressive. They are videoing the panel and set aside couches that wouldn't be filmed. They do a great job of accommodating everyone.
• They started with a prayer and recited the mission statement. This is excellent for first goers that have scoped out the facebook group and are scared. They are reminding everyone of the purpose of the group:

USGA is an unofficial group of Brigham Young University students, faculty and guests who wish to strengthen families and the BYU community by providing a place for open, respectful discussions on the topic of same-gender attraction. We also invite LDS Institute students from across the Wasatch front.

USGA is a safe place for all, not an appropriate forum for angry, vulgar, or profane remarks of any kind, nor for expressions of antagonism against any person or organization. In order to foster an environment of respect and understanding, we ask all participants to be mindful of USGA’s political neutrality, and we also ask all participants to be respectful of BYU, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and the beliefs and experiences of others. Above all, we support BYU students in upholding the Honor Code, and invite guests to do so as well while in attendance of USGA events.

Please note that USGA meets outside of any sponsorship, endorsement, or support by BYU.

• It's a lot more light-hearted than other meetings I've been to. You can feel free to speak and be who you are. They are comfortable talking about sexuality and its implications—good and bad. Other groups tend to focus on it as a challenge or struggle. Many here seem be positive about life.

Overall, it was a great meeting! A couple of people come up and met me, and they were friendly. At the end of the meeting I got up and looked around behind me. There were a lot of people there! Then I saw somebody I knew (not too well, but I knew his name)! I went up and officially met him. He introduced me to a few people, and we became pretty good friends. My first USGA friends!

We then went for pizza—the whole group typically gets food after the meeting. I seemed to have found a group of people that have a broad range of opinions and ideals, but there was broad unconditional acceptance as well. Some other groups I had been to seemed to have a sense of conditional acceptance—only if you had the same goals as the group were you brought in to the camaraderie. Here, there seemed to be different sets of goals, but everyone was tied together through the feelings and experiences they've had. Getting through and enjoying life seemed to be the ultimate goal of USGA—an incredibly valuable experience for me.

Dan Bunker